Class Of 1984 | Sure Signs of the Apocalypse

I Hate Fucking Mondays

By jon | Published: February 8, 2010

fucking mondays……proudly revelling in the fact you plied yourself with enough alcohol to power a lawnmower? me too…old bob geldof once asked “tell me why i dont like mondays” Il tell you old bob…because every monday, every brain numbing FM radio station with a brain numbing humourless disk spinning monkey will play that brain numbing song in a fruitless attempt to humour very humourless people on their way to humourless jobs….now ive nothing against bob so much…but i have a very convincing distaste for anything thats piped into your car at 9AM…..well…unless its cigarette smoke…..and coffee….yes……pipe that away…pipe away to hearts content……mmmmm

where was I?….ah…new demo…its called “I Couldnt Say”….this one recorded just last week after a very frustrating run of “anejaculation”….”anejaculation” being a term we use to fondly describe shite songs…now I think we nailed this one to the holy post….one of those four/floor and out the door numbers…give it a spin ye of the faithful…with so much faith ye can never despise us!

Download “I Couldnt Say Now” here…

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Top 10 Most Misunderstood Songs of All Time

By jon | Published: February 4, 2010

I usually tend to make up lyrics and ascribe meanings to songs that dont exist…it suits my mental make up you see…for example “You Oughta Know” by Alanis Morissette…didnt everyone sing “It’s not fair to deny me of the cross-eyed bear that you gave to me.”?…and imagine a wizened old rag of a bear that some pissed and scarred partner stole back off a former girlfriend having given it to her for valentines day years before?….no?…hmmm…its ye that are mental

1. Nirvana – “Polly”

Innocent minds beware: NOT about a parrot eating a cracker…
Correct Meaning: female rape victim from Tacoma, Washington. The girl, 14, was abducted in 1987 while returning from a punk rock show, and was raped and tortured with razors and a blowtorch by her abductor Gerald Friend

2. R.E.M. “The One I Love”

Innocent minds beware: NOT to be requested for your girlfriend on valentines day
Correct Meaning: Stipe sings “a simple prop to occupy my time”…more appropriately requested for your vibrator on valentines day…

2. The Police – “Every Breath You Take”

Innocent minds beware: slow dancing and wistful tonguing back of school shed…dont mention P Diddy puff paddy whatever
Correct Meaning: state-run stalking…think Orwell…think big Brother…think 1984 *note to self: nice plug

3. Jesus and Mary Chain – “Some Candy Talking”

Innocent minds beware: Ah its Jesus and Mary Chain…itl be about Heroin so
Correct Meaning: officially it may be the only song they have NOT about drugs…hmmm..what were they taking when they wrote that?

4. Lou Reed – “Perfect Day”

Innocent minds beware: NOT to be used as an inappropriate Children in Need cover
Correct Meaning: heroin addiction

5. John Lennon – “Imagine”

Innocent minds beware: its about peace and all the lovely children and daisy chains
Correct Meaning: Communism…….no religion, no possessions, no countries, no war…last stage of Communism my friends…dont believe me? Lennon said of the song “virtually a Communist Manifesto”

interesting fact: inexplicably included on a list of songs banned from the radio following 9/11 attacks…the 2001 Clear Channel memorandum…jesus…“Aeroplane” by The Chillies? yeah I get that..but “Imagine”? cmon

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Mulled cider and thermal underpants

By jon | Published: February 2, 2010

another day…another song…this one from the bowels of our fair hearts…its called “Believe Me”….and even James gets his voice on this one…or more accurately his abysmal impression of some incontinent whiskey soaked blues man…nevertheless we think its great…and conveniently we think you might to…

recorded during the winter freeze of last Christmas…wrapped in woolly hats and thermals with copious amounts of mulled cider at hand we managed to commit to tape in record time…you see, this here cabin we play in is virtually inhabitable during winter months…but battle brave we did…and through probably one of the worst winters we have seen down in the lee valley…well there was the infamous yonder winter of 1982 that elder folks down in dim pubs seem to whisper about all the time…over stale pints of Guinness…but we alas can only dream of such distant eras…being but glints in respective fathers crafty butcher attack handles during 1982…*Note to self: scrub some coin together for adequate heating; that fucking Dimplex is taking the piss*

so here it be…in all its sub temperature, cider soaked and thermal underwear clad glory…”Believe Me”

“I aint got nothin and theyre tryin take that away from me to”

Download “Believe Me” here…

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The hoes they wanna fuck

By jon | Published: January 27, 2010

….when you sell like Eminem of course…or have guns hanging out of your anus…i was set and meant to compile a list of worst lyrics…and many a beautifully beastly lyric there are…many more there will be…grammatical cohesion be damned…we’re either inventing our own language…step up Mr Stipe “Leaving was never my proud”…hmmm…or being dangerously infantile…step up that old romantic fiddy cents “I love you like a fat kid loves cake”….or just plain makin shit up “I can pay my automobills”…attribute that ditty to word-smith Beyonce…

i was going to…but then considered that Frank Black may be my favourite song writer of all time…and he oft treads the line of lyrical logic…and we too…at Class of 1984 camp…don’t tie ourselves down in the intelligible department…so i reconsidered….instead I’m just gonna give ye some inklings of what were listening to at the moment…or more accurately what we are freely downloading from Limewire and slowly squeezing the life out of the music industry as we know it…ourselves included…but you know…its free…and we’re only human

Nirvana – Live From reading

remember when we didn’t have to compromise our own anus to Nicklebacks

Spoon – Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga

I completely missed these guys

The Police – Outlandos d’Amour

yes

Baby Shambles – Shotters nation

urine soaked incontinent heroine junkie? it takes all kinds

Alberta Cross – Broken Side Of Time

better than KOL…but alas have same constipation in the humor department

Frank Black – SVN Fngrs

this guy never had constipation in his life

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For two lovely lovely boys…..

By james | Published: January 27, 2010

….. for two lovely lovely boys was the simple message:) we of course receive thousands of emails containing everything from the standard nudes to the full blown pornographic – yum…… we thank the lovely Alice for this “yum” piece

by.... Alice Ivey

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Jim Morrison was a drunken buffoon…

By jon | Published: January 25, 2010

dear Sirs/madames
so we penned a new song today…this one called “Thats Where Its At”…and bristling it be with the very dead soul of Jimbo Morrisson…of the dirty blues variety….LA Woman we had on the old record scratcher you see…a young broken soul sitting on a toilet…swigging a bottle of Jack D…and singing songs about being down so god-damned low that it seems like up to you…yes thats where we were coming from…under the influence of The Doors…but as that mad irish bastard Wilde himself said “Talent borrows, genius steals”…so im not sure you can slap us on the wrist just yet…I think it sounds damn rollicking…have a wee ear peek for yer good selves..tell us what ye think…

Download “Thats Where Its At” here…

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New Song “Guess Again”

By jon | Published: January 18, 2010

nother newbie…..”Guess Again”….an interesting one…because lyrics are actually comprehensible…ageing generation X….reminiscing about times past…sitting in apartments…swallowing pills…listening to classics….Iron Maiden and Judas Priest…i can see that person in my head…something of that kind…its still a rawish number in me opinion…but christ il have me some raw

….and it was recorded to busted pro tools…half wrapped in electrical tape…spewing with the usual dim hum…and at night…always at night…no musician can record in the morning can they?…not us...we only come out at night…to hang down with the freaks and ghouls…and how many more Smashing Pumpkin references can i fit into one sentence?….ok enough with the blithering idiocy…..without further ado….and just for you…dear reader, listener, candel stick maker….hang yer hat and listen to…”Guess Again”

Download Guess Again here…

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Winter Wonder Band… ahem well!!!

By james | Published: January 18, 2010

A frozen internet machine here has made us be a little slack on the blogging front last week…. but warm up our hands with some naughty internet viewing we did and here we are….. With double digit sub-zeros and wearing of double layers of underpants we really did think the man above was trying to rewrite historical events and rid the earth of musical fat cats and bullshit pedallers… well yeah uno…. but no, oh no, not even freezing the Verruca that is Snow Patrol has worked (I checked on the Google and they did not fall off!!!)

The walk to the cabin was a cold one…. but walk we did with Cup-a-Soup in hand…

The old graveyard nextdoor has had no grandiose gothic influence on us – we think or hope or pray:)….. but we feel we may at least be entertaining some ghouls, ghosts and hereos that are buried in our outdoor arena each night we rattle our tunes into the darkness!!!

…. ok so enough of the nothing blog and on with our planning of world domination here….. so like the “Modern Band” of today Jon and my good self will be setting aside “downtime to strategically plan income revenues and marketing streams and good old fashioned Music Geographic Markets…. so that the next time the cold snapple comes we can bottle it and live like the kings of the Lee Valley in house below!!!!!….. ”

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Top 10 Worst Songs of the Decade

By jon | Published: January 13, 2010

Whilst sitting here, pondering the common woes of my musical brethren, i look back over the past decade and consider compiling a Top 10 Worst Songs of the Decade list….and I fantasize about the many ways I could perform a lobotomy on Paris Hilton….or eye gouging James Blunt…or both….As I slooshied, I knew such lovely pictures!…but those pictures were just that; pictures….and no more…vague urges to dispel the hate and disappointment…to sooth the seething rage…

so i turn my attention to the last decade in music knowing full well it came at a cultural price…common denominator stuffs of dreams we were given…and like the McDonald starved jumpy monkeys that we are…we lapped it up…compromised everywhere…any lick, spit or shred of intellect discouraged…frowned upon….big frowns…lone voices of rebellion…lost in the chasm of the gaping cunt that is simon cowells frown…or the potato face lifting louis walsh…but even they know know no better…thats TV…thats entertainment…surely…thats not music…surely if I propped her up just right I could still get my index finger through Blunts eye?

no…surely I cant vent my anger there….I must go further…wider…the bigger picture….what I found was of no real consequence…what I found was a tiny feces stained wall…and scribed there in handwriting “hey guys, if we throw enough shit against the wall, guess what? it doesnt collapse”…and you know what? it never does…no barrage of shit music will ever bring the whole shit house down…theres plenty of music to sooth the seething rage and caress our collective lobes…plenty…its just that you wont find it in this here blog…here you will find sure signs of the apocalypse…and it aint pretty…..read henceforth into the black hole that is “The Top 10 Worst Songs of the Decade”…..the list is endless to be honest…its just…you gots to compile a list…as was..is now…ever shall be..amen..

…but isnt it fun to list things?
…in top 10 format?
…cmon…were all just McDonald starved jumpy monkies at the end of it…have a gander…

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1. Paris Hilton – “Stars Are Blind”

…and UB40 were pissed off

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2. James Blunt – “You’re Beautiful”

never getting on a train with this guy again…

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3. Tila Tequila – “I Love U”

dont be fooled…G list celebrity Tila, as a rule, only loves herself…and myspace animated GIFs Read More »

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Bad Porn, Badder Music

By jon | Published: January 11, 2010

we had a feeling…to put some new music here…..bad porn, badder music…badder in a michael jackson kind of a way…that sort of thing…it makes perfect sense to us….”All My Honey” is a new one…the one you are about to hear….we recorded this in the cabin late in the night….good thing for us James’s granny is deaf in one ear and cant hear in the other…because if she could muster some aural ability she would no doubt come knocking on the door and inform us that we are, despite our unwavering confidence in ourselves, shit….nevertheless….for your sins….ever faithful and dear listener….abandon all hope ye who listen here

Download All My Honey here…