another new song for the week…usually brought to you on a monday……but got lazy..and couldnt think of anything decent or of interest to write…so when we did…we recorded it…and packaged it in a sleazy cheap VCR quality veneer and posted it to you here….so enjoy dear listener…tis called “Reptile Stew”…..and its the closest thing to funk we can go i think…
New song for monday…and its called “Smithereens”….. which is an Irish word….derived from the modern Irish ’smidirín’….roughly translating to ’small fragments’……as in blown to smithereens…… theres a town near Baltimore, close to us in west Cork called Skibbereen…..the name means ‘little boat harbour’ and rumour has it that sailing ships arrived there from the wild Atlantic by being ’blown to Skibbereen’……who knows?
what are you meteor? the demon cometh…in the shape of evil tan locust named Amanda Byram…what strange underling?….to do the bidding of the meteor……presiding over the great event…the great rubbing of each other in their special places…… why wont the fucking lazy hacks with their 2 pence masturbate us?….why wont amanda byram slap our fucking backs? ….we did something didnt we?…didnt we amanda!?…wont you splay yourself apart for us?…purr and beckon us into your divide?…mewing wild hysterical superlatives in your trans atlantic drawl…purring and slapping our backs and pinching our balls and congratulating us…youd do it for stephen gately wouldnt you…and you wouldnt even break a sweat…i saw you do it just the other night…skull fucking his exhumed corpse back to celebrityism? high fiving lifeless hands and balling dusty scrotums into your mouth…just congratulate us once…for chirst sake…with every humourless spit from your mouth..save at least some saliva for us Amanda…so that we can keep it in a test tube…stored away for a rainy day…and when feeling down…take it out….drink it ….and fantasize….we are the coronas! wizz bang!!….we are the script! wazoooom!…we are threadbare motionless cogs…decelerating hacks fast running out of ideas in a stagnant culture of bottom feeders scraping the bottoms of barrels! magic! fucking magic! whooooosh!
how are thee?
new tuneless tomfoolery to fill yer pricked doe ears…and let spill all the waves of thankless endeavour from our veins open unto you…forever to you dear listener….this song is called “Nice To Meet You” ..and isnt it just?…if you are one of the legions of swarming sycophants eager to bray for us or bay for our blood…well you can do both…for we are yours and you are ours…in demented matrimony….to be sat…black and white wedding photographs…on mantles above fires….black and white photos with awkward smiles…in these black and white photos the white is a veil and the black is evil…
NOTE TO SELF: jesus Jon…its too early in the week for this shit
right…heres the song
fucking mondays……proudly revelling in the fact you plied yourself with enough alcohol to power a lawnmower? me too…old bob geldof once asked “tell me why i dont like mondays” Il tell you old bob…because every monday, every brain numbing FM radio station with a brain numbing humourless disk spinning monkey will play that brain numbing song in a fruitless attempt to humour very humourless people on their way to humourless jobs….now ive nothing against bob so much…but i have a very convincing distaste for anything thats piped into your car at 9AM…..well…unless its cigarette smoke…..and coffee….yes……pipe that away…pipe away to hearts content……mmmmm
where was I?….ah…new demo…its called “I Couldnt Say”….this one recorded just last week after a very frustrating run of “anejaculation”….”anejaculation” being a term we use to fondly describe shite songs…now I think we nailed this one to the holy post….one of those four/floor and out the door numbers…give it a spin ye of the faithful…with so much faith ye can never despise us!
I usually tend to make up lyrics and ascribe meanings to songs that dont exist…it suits my mental make up you see…for example “You Oughta Know” by Alanis Morissette…didnt everyone sing “It’s not fair to deny me of the cross-eyed bear that you gave to me.”?…and imagine a wizened old rag of a bear that some pissed and scarred partner stole back off a former girlfriend having given it to her for valentines day years before?….no?…hmmm…its ye that are mental
Innocent minds beware: NOT about a parrot eating a cracker…
Correct Meaning: female rape victim from Tacoma, Washington. The girl, 14, was abducted in 1987 while returning from a punk rock show, and was raped and tortured with razors and a blowtorch by her abductor Gerald Friend
Innocent minds beware: NOT to be requested for your girlfriend on valentines day
Correct Meaning: Stipe sings “a simple prop to occupy my time”…more appropriately requested for your vibrator on valentines day…
Innocent minds beware: slow dancing and wistful tonguing back of school shed…dont mention P Diddy puff paddy whatever
Correct Meaning: state-run stalking…think Orwell…think big Brother…think 1984 *note to self: nice plug
Innocent minds beware: Ah its Jesus and Mary Chain…itl be about Heroin so
Correct Meaning: officially it may be the only song they have NOT about drugs…hmmm..what were they taking when they wrote that?
Innocent minds beware: NOT to be used as an inappropriate Children in Need cover
Correct Meaning: heroin addiction
Innocent minds beware: its about peace and all the lovely children and daisy chains
Correct Meaning: Communism…….no religion, no possessions, no countries, no war…last stage of Communism my friends…dont believe me? Lennon said of the song “virtually a Communist Manifesto”
interesting fact: inexplicably included on a list of songs banned from the radio following 9/11 attacks…the 2001 Clear Channel memorandum…jesus…“Aeroplane” by The Chillies? yeah I get that..but “Imagine”? cmon
another day…another song…this one from the bowels of our fair hearts…its called “Believe Me”….and even James gets his voice on this one…or more accurately his abysmal impression of some incontinent whiskey soaked blues man…nevertheless we think its great…and conveniently we think you might to…
recorded during the winter freeze of last Christmas…wrapped in woolly hats and thermals with copious amounts of mulled cider at hand we managed to commit to tape in record time…you see, this here cabin we play in is virtually inhabitable during winter months…but battle brave we did…and through probably one of the worst winters we have seen down in the lee valley…well there was the infamous yonder winter of 1982 that elder folks down in dim pubs seem to whisper about all the time…over stale pints of Guinness…but we alas can only dream of such distant eras…being but glints in respective fathers crafty butcher attack handles during 1982…*Note to self: scrub some coin together for adequate heating; that fucking Dimplex is taking the piss*
so here it be…in all its sub temperature, cider soaked and thermal underwear clad glory…”Believe Me”
“I aint got nothin and theyre tryin take that away from me to”
….when you sell like Eminem of course…or have guns hanging out of your anus…i was set and meant to compile a list of worst lyrics…and many a beautifully beastly lyric there are…many more there will be…grammatical cohesion be damned…we’re either inventing our own language…step up Mr Stipe “Leaving was never my proud”…hmmm…or being dangerously infantile…step up that old romantic fiddy cents “I love you like a fat kid loves cake”….or just plain makin shit up “I can pay my automobills”…attribute that ditty to word-smith Beyonce…
i was going to…but then considered that Frank Black may be my favourite song writer of all time…and he oft treads the line of lyrical logic…and we too…at Class of 1984 camp…don’t tie ourselves down in the intelligible department…so i reconsidered….instead I’m just gonna give ye some inklings of what were listening to at the moment…or more accurately what we are freely downloading from Limewire and slowly squeezing the life out of the music industry as we know it…ourselves included…but you know…its free…and we’re only human
remember when we didn’t have to compromise our own anus to Nicklebacks
I completely missed these guys
yes
urine soaked incontinent heroine junkie? it takes all kinds
better than KOL…but alas have same constipation in the humor department
this guy never had constipation in his life
….. for two lovely lovely boys was the simple message:) we of course receive thousands of emails containing everything from the standard nudes to the full blown pornographic – yum…… we thank the lovely Alice for this “yum” piece
by.... Alice Ivey
Mother of Fuck
mothers day was yesterday…and so in the spirit of all things motherly we bring you our latest appendix to the class canon…this song is called “Mother of Fuck”…
I always assumed you’d be there
when I needed you…
and you always were
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