Top 10 Worst Songs of the Decade

Whilst sitting here, pondering the common woes of my musical brethren, i look back over the past decade and consider compiling a Top 10 Worst Songs of the Decade list….and I fantasize about the many ways I could perform a lobotomy on Paris Hilton….or eye gouging James Blunt…or both….As I slooshied, I knew such lovely pictures!…but those pictures were just that; pictures….and no more…vague urges to dispel the hate and disappointment…to sooth the seething rage…

so i turn my attention to the last decade in music knowing full well it came at a cultural price…common denominator stuffs of dreams we were given…and like the McDonald starved jumpy monkeys that we are…we lapped it up…compromised everywhere…any lick, spit or shred of intellect discouraged…frowned upon….big frowns…lone voices of rebellion…lost in the chasm of the gaping cunt that is simon cowells frown…or the potato face lifting louis walsh…but even they know know no better…thats TV…thats entertainment…surely…thats not music…surely if I propped her up just right I could still get my index finger through Blunts eye?

no…surely I cant vent my anger there….I must go further…wider…the bigger picture….what I found was of no real consequence…what I found was a tiny feces stained wall…and scribed there in handwriting “hey guys, if we throw enough shit against the wall, guess what? it doesnt collapse”…and you know what? it never does…no barrage of shit music will ever bring the whole shit house down…theres plenty of music to sooth the seething rage and caress our collective lobes…plenty…its just that you wont find it in this here blog…here you will find sure signs of the apocalypse…and it aint pretty…..read henceforth into the black hole that is “The Top 10 Worst Songs of the Decade”…..the list is endless to be honest…its just…you gots to compile a list…as was..is now…ever shall be..amen..

…but isnt it fun to list things?
…in top 10 format?
…cmon…were all just McDonald starved jumpy monkies at the end of it…have a gander…

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1. Paris Hilton – “Stars Are Blind”

…and UB40 were pissed off

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2. James Blunt – “You’re Beautiful”

never getting on a train with this guy again…

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3. Tila Tequila – “I Love U”

dont be fooled…G list celebrity Tila, as a rule, only loves herself…and myspace animated GIFs

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4. Nickelback – “Something In Your Mouth”

yeah there was something in our mouths alright…the steaming shit you pinched off as we listened with bated breath to your unforgivably awful lyrics

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5. Crazy Frog – “Last Christmas”

bad enough watching George Michael lust after a woman who will never give him a woody no matter how hard she tries but a frog? hes not crazy…hes just fucking stupid

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6. Mika – “Grace Kelly”

a grown man…trying to act like a child…and sing like Freddie Mercury….fails both anatomically and vocally…but mentally pulls it off nicely

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7. Thong Song – “Sisqo”

in the the 00s underpants were considered dangerous…the poetry of the street

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8. The Gummy Bear Song

ok its for children…but still…the cynic in me sees the grown ups who made it…and made it not to see the smiling faces of children…but to see the smiling face of some fuck wit singing off checks to them

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9. Black Eyed Peas – “My Humps”

expect little else ye of the “Lets Get Retarded” fame…but you know…try…just for a little bit…try to challange us..not with parts of your body but with parts of your mind *note to self: wooh! deep…must jot in self-help book

right…if i keep writing I may become inactive for days……the dirge and drivel may become overpowering…so im off for a bath…and a drink…..im sure ye all can finish this list with myriad an awful number…oh and hey…we gots another new song on way…just got to find a way to birth it…til next we meet dear sirs and madammes