The walk to the cabin was a cold one…. but walk we did with Cup-a-Soup in hand…

The old graveyard nextdoor has had no grandiose gothic influence on us – we think or hope or pray:)….. but we feel we may at least be entertaining some ghouls, ghosts and hereos that are buried in our outdoor arena each night we rattle our tunes into the darkness!!!

…. ok so enough of the nothing blog and on with our planning of world domination here….. so like the “Modern Band” of today Jon and my good self will be setting aside “downtime to strategically plan income revenues and marketing streams and good old fashioned Music Geographic Markets…. so that the next time the cold snapple comes we can bottle it and live like the kings of the Lee Valley in house below!!!!!….. ”

Sure Signs of the………………

1. Underpants

Nope dont think so… with this cold spell here in the forest… these luxury items will be praised and blessed!!!

2. Pubic hair

This ideal has been gradually gaining momentum it seems….. hmmmmm…. surely the pointless banter of nicknaming ones pubic hair can be a cool thing no? !!!! pubic hair may be kept for now!!!

3. Coldplay

I think this has been done a few years ago to be fair to all… but I found a lonely copy hanging around… yes a feeling of dirty took over!!

4. Actimel

An obvious truth – complete and utter horse-shit, (probiotic drinks that stengthens one’s immune system… ) I trusted this phrase for years and years… I wont be cheated like this in 2010!

5. Gold

Well I wouldn’t just throw it out (read our disclaimer!) but all the suits on wall street and those such fancy places say you should cash this stuff in because its the thing to do – there is even ads on TV saying it – it must be true…… (after all who needs gold right)

FIRST UP: wed like to thank everyone who purchased their very own Class of 1984 record…we hope ye open with delight and spin endlessly until transparent…we do appreciate yer patronage…we can now finally afford that tire iron to raise our bums up from the ground and prevent bleeding piles…thats rock and roll baby…now heres your daily enema…..and just a reminder we still have some 7 inch left if ye want to get your hands on them…were only doing a limited run and prob wont press again..so get to the shop before midnight dear people

SECOND UP: and before we begin the TOP 10 T-SHIRTS THAT WONT GET YOU LAID…we must announce the arrival of our very own T-Shirts…and yes…these are guaranteed to get you laid…women and men from all states of life will flock to your side and gleefully flick their fingers up and down your brand new 100% cotton, short-sleeved fitted t-shirt featuring we, your faithful Class of 1984, printed on the front…mmmm…i can hear their flicking fingers now upon yer rib cage…brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrring….nice…so head to our shop and have a look…we might just afford that other tire iron yet

right so….onto the blog…..TOP 10 T-SHIRTS THAT WONT GET YOU SEX

1.

take 2 girls, 1 cup and….well…you dont need to be deliah smith to figure out the rest

2

ive never met a self confessed midget porn lover…i think hes courageous

3

single mums everywhere aghast at the very cheek

4

yeah we get it…there are your breasts..we must all look and be chastised for doing so etc

5

the proud owner of one testicle

6

you think this t-shirt would be funnier if the line was just below the belly button?…no?…..yeah i dont think the world is ready for that one either

7

isnt that inviting…what time will i pick you up?

8

domestic violence is so early 90s

9

lol…ah no…no..you couldnt get away with that

10

hey tourettes aint something to joke about cunt

and here some t shirt designs that WILL get you sex…guranteed…no questions asked…roll in the hay, bed, alley..wear one of these..anytime, anywhere..guranteed*

*this complete sentance is unture

DATE: 1 Aug 2009
TIME: 7 pm
VENUE: WVW PLAZA, THE QUAY, WATERFORD

see yall good selves this saturday in Waterford!

1. You Shook Me All Night Long – Celine Dion and Anastacia

anyone who follows my blog will know that this song has appeared on more than one list…this is embarrassing stuff…air guitar in heels is wrong…air guitar in anything but your underpants and white socks is wrong….and the idea of celine dion in underpants and white socks might driveyou insane

2. The Girl is Mine – Michael Jackson ft. Paul McCartney

“paul…i think i told ye…I’m a lover not a fighter”….you will shudder

3. Ebony and Ivory - Stevie Wonder and Paul McCartney

Saccharin is an artificial sweetener…it has effectively no food energy and is much sweeter than sucrose…it is used to sweeten products such as drinks, candies, medicines, toothpaste and post Beatles McCartney songs

4. 4 Minutes – Madonna and Justin Timberlake

The SS became the core of Nazi terror apparatus, ran the concentration camps and by about 1936 assumed control of the entire terror apparatus….Justin Timberlake has about as much soul as SS officer….lovely Timbaland heartless headache inducing produce…maddonna go away…all involved reflect on your life

5. Dancing in the Street – Mick Jagger and David Bowie

“camera pans up, ok. david, youl be up there hopping around in your baggy leopard skin thingy” mick , you just stay good and wrinkly. wel add some slow mo. the whole thing will be brilliant…jesus…this video was shot in a day and it shows…as for the song…it just doesn’t work….Dancing in the streets after gay sex is declared legal in India btw….bout time

6. Our Lips Are Sealed – Hilary and Haylie Duff

hey? theres a haylie?…i doubt it….theres enough auto tune and pitch bending here to loose momentary bowel control…you cant actual decipher who is singing what…but every now and then you can almost hear there real voices underneath it all saying “your mother sucks cocks in hell”

7. I’ve Got You Under My Skin – Bono and Frank Sinatra

bono should remain under his skin…his foreskin….his great big giant bell bellheaded schlong…a man with an ego that big though i fear may be lacking in that department

8. Cruisin – Gwyneth Paltrow and Huey Lewis

Smokey Robinson doesnt have shit on Gwyneth…why didnt she ever sing with her husband…that other dreary drivel headed save the world types?

9. Paula Abdul and MC Skat Kat – Opposites Attract

is it possible to sell out to an animated character? is it possible to take this stuff too seriously? “look Jon, its paula abdul and an animated cat for the benefit of MTV. did you really expect anything less?”…breath in….happy place

10. Bjork feat Thom Yorke

I’m sorry dear reader…so repugnant was this blog that i had to disinfect it with at least 1 GOOD DUET…this from Icelandic songstress Bjork and her secret fancy mr Yorke……ah…happy place

on the CO84 front…we are patiently awaiting the arrival of some very special vinyl and shall be dispensing quite soon…got the test prints back from Amsterdam and tis sounding joyous twisted metal…more stuff being printed in London…its geographically complicated what we are doing…but soon we shall have something nice for you to spin on yer turntables of inject into yer ipodricks…soon, soon

1. Bram Stockers – Dracula

like i say a great read…once you can remove the mental image of mr reeves

2. QOTSA – Rated R

4/4 time signature to 15/8 in one simple step

3. Lady Gaga

was recently spotted down the local pub…the Rising Tide….in Glounthane village…true genius knows no bounds…not even the Rising Tide in Glounthane

4. The Beatles – White Album

im not sure why i decided to stray ears so far from the beatles oft visited trove…this my favourite..like being led by a drunk with a higher IQ…

5. Elder Scrolls 4 – Oblivion

social life be damned..im off to Faregyl Inn for some beer

6. Public Enemies

did anyone elese think the high def camera was a bit “bold and the beautiful?”

7. Swine Flu

did anybody ask how they were feeling about the whole thing?…..no

8. Year One

moderately interesting

9. MC5  – Kick Out The Jams

this sowed the seed of punk..and also probably allows us to call ourselves garage rock…whatever that means…fucking ferocious live album

10.Bruno

the biggest Austrian celebrity since Hitler

1. All Along The Watchtower – Jimi Hendrix

Bob Dylan penned the original…but it was Hendrix finger fretting that would become synonymous with the tune…great cover…and even auld bob thought so: “I liked Jimi Hendrix’s record of this and ever since he died I’ve been doing it that way…Strange how when I sing it, I always feel it’s a tribute to him in some kind of way.”

2. Hallelujah – Jeff Buckley

Leonard Cohens and “the hallelujah of the orgasm” containing cheeky references…Jeff Buckley nailed it

3. Hey Joe – Jimi Hendrix

In Wroclaw on May 1, 2009, 6346 guitarists played the song in the same venue at the same time…Guinness World Record…and 5 people shat themselves when they discovered they left their ear plugs at home…

4. Hurt – Johnny Cash

I loved the accompanying video directed by Mark Romanek…won best video of the year by the Grammy Awards and Country Music Awards…NIN version is comparatively creepier

5. Take Me To The River – Talking Heads

117 on Rolling Stone magazine’s list of the 500 greatest songs of all time….Al Green penned original

6. Kick Out The Jams – Rage Against The Machine

RATM covered this MC5 classic on their 2000 covers album Renegade

7. Cocaine – Eric Clapton

Clapton has called the J.J. Cale song “quite cleverly anti-cocaine”…..so clever no one knows

8. The White Stripes – Jolene

dolly parton ditties

9. Nobody Does It Better – Radiohead

no one really does do it quite like Yorke and co.

10. Helter Skelter – U2

ye cant top The Beatles original for sheer shrieky delight…or over driven dementia…or Mcartney at top of vocal range stretchiness…or Ringos “ive got blisters on my fingers”…but bono and his clan do a good job in their own right

and I find myself feeling oddly numb…Michael was the steadfast tin of beans in your cupboard…always in the corner at the back somewhere when not taking centre stage on your plate…palatable but never given to mates when they called round…and that’s not much of a eulogy I know…comparing this icon to a tin of beans…but i protest…Michael was just like one of those indelible household brands…just like Heinz or Cambells or coca cola…something you might not miss until it was gone… I was never the biggest fan and I am not about to wax lyrical about genius this and genius that…but beyond a shadow and nary a doubt in my mind he was a talented man..,troubled and haunted? true enough…by the bastaring press that plagued him like rot worms for a snap of his ever pinching nose…i felt sorry for the man and still do…hes was the ultimate sacrifice for fame…he gave his life for it…and many millions loved him for it in return…

many more rejoiced in his increasingly zany behaviour including dangling wee babies over balconies and sleeping with monkeys…but you know…that was his life…a stage..a circus…a come through the curtains and a sneak and a peak at the elephant man…the curious oddball….look at him…in all the horror of his non standard behaviour…his non standard friends and his non standard house…his non standard family and his non standard wives….well fuck you…who wants to be standard?…..somewhere Michael dances eternal…and could give two hoots about what we mortals think of him….playing the weird medley of peter pan, the lost child and the tears of a clown he dances there in peace…far from the flash of the camera and the scald of the cynical pen…(and a few pending civil cases no doubt)….forever more and in peace…we bid him farewell

R.I.P. MICHAEL JACKSON – 08/29/1958 – 06/25/2009

1. Bad

15 minute scorsese directed videos and crotch grabbing abounds

2. Moonwalk

Entertainment Weekly named this Motown 25 performance as one the most important pop culture moments in history…and I just thought it was a bit of dancin

3. Southpark

blaaaanket!! it is my goal in life to be immortalised on this show

4. Bubbles

mooooonkey!! it is also my goal to have my very own monkey

5. Jarvis Cocker Invades The Stage

“He was up there doing hes whole Jesus thing, and I just felt a bit ill” Cocker invaded the stage at the 1996 BRIT Awards in a spur of the moment protest against Michael Jackson’s performance….Melody Maker suggested Cocker should be knighted

6. Baby

more controversy here when MJ decides to give hes little one a better view of the ground from his Berlin hotel window in 2002.

7. Thriller

…eight Grammies? check….Top 10 for 80 consecutive weeks? check…sparkling glove and leather jacket? cha mon mothafucker!

8. The Pepsi Commercial

in the 80’s you might remember all the buzz around this commercial…while filming, Michael caught on fire…suffers second degree burns to his scalp after pyrotechnics accidentally set his hair on fire…this is a particularly bad bit of selling out too I must say

9 – Changing Face

…this was a good looking dude…but alas the grassfuckers got to him in the end i do surmise

10. Man In The Mirror, live at the 1988 Grammy Awards

peak of career…i suppose looking back now this is just before it all went a bit perfectly oval eye shaped

so long good sir…………..

1.Take That – Smells Like Teen Spirit

no….no, no….no fucking no…get away from it…get away…fuck no

2. G4 – Creep

hmmm…missing the point much….this is just creepy

3. t.A.T.u – How Soon Is Now

quite rightly, Smiths guitarist Johnn Marr, found t.A.T.u.’s version “just silly” ….inexplicably Morrissey considered it magnificent…helium filled chipmunks singing “so i go and i stand on my own, and i leave on my own, and i go home and i cry and i want to die”…poor chipmunks

4. Jessica Simpson – Take My Breath Away

jessica simpsons exists for some reason…i have yet to put nary a finger on it but im sure il crack it one day…this song is bearable due to the fact that there is a strange lad singing over it in the clip above…jajajajajajajaja

5. Celine Dion and Anastasia – You Shook Me All Night Long

im not sure which is worst…a middle aged woman hopping along on one heel whilst playing air guitar Anastacia over sing her way through this dirge and drivel…

6. Hilary Duff – My Generation

…Hillary and her hilariously accurately chiseled head thought it a good idea to change the lyrics to this masterpiece…”I hope i DONT die before i get old”…she sang..in case any of the children misunderstandeded…do we really need these people swimming in the gene pool?…ah i suppose we do

7. Ronan Keating – Fairytale of New York

Ronan ye fookin fairy..whats this about? sung with all the conviction of a windy pillow

8. Britney Spears – ( I Can’t Get No ) Satisfaction

hey….another poor chipmunk! ye guys should hang

9. Duran Duran – 911 is a joke

ive a good idea, lets make like a socket fingering necrophiliac and dig up old classics and rape them

right…thats enough dismay…..i could only get far enough to give you 9…it was too disturbing for me…there may be some psycological damage…im off for a swim in a puddle for a while…next week…good covers……………ugh